Sentence Imitations

1) My aunt wept and wept, there was a whistling sound in my father's throat; nothing was said; he could not speak.
Notes of a Native Son - Baldwin

STRUCTURE OF THE SENTENCE
Independent clause 1, Independent clause 2; Independent clause 3; Independent clause 4.
This sentence breaks basic grammar rules, separating two independent clauses with only a comma.
Independent clause one goes with independent clause three. Independent clause two goes with independent clause four.
The stylistic advantage of doing this allows for equal focus on each of the clauses.
The sentence seems to have multiple subjects.

My imitation:
My mom stood silently next to the bed, my sister stared blankly at the ultrasound screen; there was no noise; there was no heartbeat to be found.

2) One had, in short, to come into contact with an alien culture in order to understand that a culture was not a community basket-weaving project, nor yet an act of God; was something neither desirable nor undesirable in itself, being inevitable, being nothing more or less than the recorded and visible effects on a body of people of the vicissitudes with which they had been forced to deal.
Equal in Paris - Baldwin

STRUCTURE OF THE SENTENCE
Interruption.
"to understand" infinitive.
not, nor
Semi-colon to balance the two parts
neither, nor
being, being
Provides parallel structure
Adds modifications to provoke imagery

My imitation:
You would, out of necessity, come to believe that he was not really your father, nor even a real man; was not someone to love or be loved, being unattached, being nothing more than a boy who had taken advantage of your mother and ran away when his act produced a life inside of her.